Clare (curiousciel) wrote in ljslash,

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*waves* Eep, first post *is scared*

Title: Painful Truths
Author: sugahcat
Rating: PG-13ish
Summary: A reborn Julian finds out that the boy he's fallen in love with has just found his soulmate - and it's not him.
Relationships/Pairings: Ash/Julian
A/N: wtf, right? I know. It might be a random pairing, but gosh darn it's hot (I totally need to draw them). And it might be OoC, but hey - that's all part of the fun xD

Twilight was falling outside, the sky darkening by degrees of purple. Julian was looking determinedly at it, refusing to let his focus shift to the reflection in the glass of the boy behind him.

"J, I..." Ash's voice trailed off, and Julian's eyes closed, sooty lashes dropping. There was pain in his voice, and that hurt meant Julian couldn't be too angry with him. "J, I'm sorry."

Now his eyes did open, but he didn't look at Ash's reflection but his own. White-blond hair with merely the slightest hint of gold in it, contrasting with startlingly dark eyebrows and lashes. Though he had excellent bone structure and a slim but toned body, his eyes were his best feature, sliding as they did through different shades of blue. Right now he looked moody, bottom lip pushed out in a pout. His eyes shifted to a dark blue, nearly black, and he smiled humourlessly at himself. He was so caught up in himself that he didn't notice that Ash had moved to stand behind him until his hands were gently resting on his arms. His body stiffened as Ash dropped his head to his shoulder, his pale hair tickling Julian's neck. A flash of anger seared through him but dissipated quickly. It wasn't his fault that he'd found his soulmate and wanted to be with her - had to be with her. And what was worse, he still cared for Julian.

Ash's arms went around his waist and he started kissing his neck. It made Julian think of the very first time they'd kissed; they were just kids acting on their curiousity, out on a secluded part of the bay on the island Ash had grown up on. When Ash's hands slipped under Julian's shirt, he thought of the first time they had slept together, tipsy and happy on Julian's seventeenth birthday. Things had seemed a lot simpler back then. Before Mary-Lynette. Before the end of the world.

For a moment, Julian let himself forget those things; he turned, let Ash kiss him, let him crush him against the wall so that every inch of his body seemed to tingle with the contact.

And then the memory of just an hour ago - of Ash telling him he'd found his soulmate - splashed vividly in his mind. His heart twisting, he pushed his lips away from Ash.

"Don't, Ash." Their eyes met - Ash's were a deep, soulful brown.

"I know, but... I love you, Julian." Ash looked lost, and Julian knew he must be feeling completely torn between the boy he'd fallen in love with and the girl he couldn't live without. He couldn't feel bad for him, though; he was using all of his sympathy up on himself. Damn, this hurt. It wasn't even as though his love was unrequited - Ash did love him - it was just that they weren't destined to be together. He thought dimly of Jenny, of how he hadn't been supposed to be with her, either.

He let Ash hold him one last time, and summoned all of his strength to push him away.

"And I love you. But it's not enough," he said bitterly. "Go, Ash. Be happy. Let me have that, at least."

Ash stood back and looked at Julian, not knowing what to say. He reached forward and kissed Julian softly on the lips, letting his gesture speak where he could not, and then left without looking back.
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